Helpful Tips for Dealing with a Divorce During the Holidays

If you’re in the midst of a divorce just as the holiday season starts, you’re not alone. The holiday season is actually a fairly common time for couples to decide to part ways. In some cases, it’s a split that has been coming for a long time and one party just can’t go through another Christmas pretending everything’s okay. In other cases, the joy of the holiday season shows one spouse the happiness they are missing in everyday life.

No matter what has led to your divorce, this Christmas season will undoubtedly be hard on you. At the very least, don’t go through this alone. The team at Wilkins, Bankester, Biles & Wynne is here to provide the strong legal advice and support you need during this difficult time. Give us a call at 251-928-1915 to set up a time to talk to a divorce attorney.

Get Your Legal Needs Squared Away

First, make sure you are protecting yourself legally. If your ex already has a lawyer and you don’t, waiting until the holiday season is over could put you behind. Even if you decide to take things slow while getting through Christmas and the New Year, you at least want to have someone you can call if your ex-partner tries to pull something. No matter what time of year it is, we’re here to listen to your needs and get started on your case.

Consider Putting a Pause on Proceedings Until the Holidays Are Over

Once you have the must-have discussions of the season—who will have the kids and when, if you’ll give the kids gifts together or separately, and so on—think about how you want to handle the legal side of your divorce.

Some people take a little break from the legal process, particularly if it’s been a mental drag on them for months. This option is easier if your divorce is relatively low-stress and non-adversarial, as your ex is less likely to try to sneak something past you. But if your divorce is highly adversarial or you’ve already caught your partner trying to abuse the process for their benefit, you probably just want to plow ahead and keep going at full speed during the holidays.

Talk to Loved Ones to Figure Out Your Support Network

Your mental health may hinge on having loved ones you can rely on when things get tough. Know whom you can count on and for what. You may have some friends that are always just a phone call away, and those who are always free for a cup of coffee if you need to get out of the house while your kids are with your ex. You may have a friend who has also been through divorce and is there to give useful advice. Have a plan ahead of time so you can take action when you’re in distress.

Give the Best Gifts Ever—to Yourself

You’ve spent a number of Christmases pouring your heart and soul into gifts for your ex. Even if you still have to buy them gifts “from the kids,” you don’t have to give them anything from you. Instead, take this time to give yourself a well-deserved gift. What’s something you always wanted during your marriage but never were able to buy? Treat yourself and engage in self-care this holiday season.

Think About the Memories You Will Want to Look Back On

Right now, it may be hard to see ahead to a time when your life isn’t in upheaval. But this too shall pass, and when it does, you will look back at this first Christmas you had as a single person.

What do you hope your children remember from that time? How do you want them to see you? Knowing that much happier times are ahead, try to create the holiday season that you and your children need.

Choose Wilkins, Bankester, Biles & Wynne for Your Divorce Case

With the right legal team by your side, divorce can be less stressful and painful. Find out how we can help and what we offer. Set up a consultation with us now by reaching out online, calling our Fairhope office at 251-928-1915, or calling our Bay Minette office at 251-937-7024.

How Social Media Activity Can Impact a Divorce Case

Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok, Snapchat—the list of prevalent social media apps grows longer by the year. While it’s a great way to share your life with loved ones and stay connected, it can also be your Achilles heel during a divorce. Find out the many ways that social media can affect your divorce case, and when you’re ready to discuss your legal needs in greater detail, call Wilkins, Bankester, Biles & Wynne at 251-928-1915 and set up a consultation.

Proof of Infidelity

Remember, infidelity can sink your divorce case. If a divorcing spouse’s social media has proof or evidence of the affair that ended their marriage, they could be giving away part of their share of the marital estate. Alabama is one of just a few states that allow fault-based divorces, and an affair is one of the permitted grounds for divorce. Photos, location tags, sappy status updates—they can all work against the poster.

Hidden Assets

Hidden assets are a big fear in many divorce cases. While most people with hidden assets go to great lengths to actually hide them, some people are a bit more careless. A boat purchased with hidden money, expensive “gifts” given to family members (only to be returned after the divorce is final), and cryptocurrency are fairly commonly seen on social media. It’s easy for a divorce attorney or angry ex to screenshot these posts and use them to prove hidden assets, or at least give a forensic accountant a starting point for finding them.

Parental Alienation

When parents divorce, they should put their kids first and strive to maintain a positive co-parenting relationship with the other parent. Unfortunately, this isn’t always how it works out. When one parent thinks that they have more rights to their child than the other parent, they may stoop to new lows to damage the other parent’s relationship with the child.

Parental alienation is often sneaky and difficult to track, but some parents make it easy to uncover their plans. Parents with a need for validation may post to social media about how terrible their ex is and what an unfit parent they are, which is concerning on its own. However, it’s not parental alienation.

But if they go on to post about negative things their child has said about the other parent, how they have encouraged or supported those statements, and other evidence of their efforts to destabilize the relationship, that could really hurt them in court.

Unfit Parenting

What about when one parent actually is putting their child in danger? This, too, is often found on social media. Someone who has no trouble exposing their child to drugs, drinking, and dangerous activities is likely to be friends with people who have the same beliefs. They may then share photos on social media for laughs and upvotes from their friends. These types of posts can be devastating to a parent’s custody case.

No matter how carefully they try to cover their tracks or lock down their privacy settings, it is all too easy for a determined parent or attorney to get access anyway. With evidence of unfit parenting, the other parent can make a case for primary or sole custody.

Protect Your Social Media

In some cases, social media can be helpful to your divorce case. If you discover useful information about your ex or gain some footing in your case, you may have some leverage. On the other hand, your own social media activity could harm your divorce case.

Even if you don’t post anything incriminating or outright inappropriate, it is very easy for your words and photos to be misconstrued. Don’t be surprised if you see your ex’s attorney taking your posts out of context or otherwise looking for proof that you are unfaithful, an unfit parent, or hiding assets from their client. Limit your social media activity during divorce and double- or triple-check posts before hitting the “post” button.

Discuss Your Family Law Case with Wilkins, Bankester, Biles & Wynne

Ready to take the next step in your divorce case? We’re here to help you fight for what matters most to you. Call us at 251-928-1915 or connect with us online to get started.

Common Mistakes People Make During a Divorce

Divorce may be one of the most difficult things you ever have to go through, so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself if you make a few mistakes along the way. However, taking active steps to avoid these common mistakes can help you streamline the divorce process and minimize your stress.

If you’re ready to discuss your divorce in greater detail and make a plan, we’re ready to help. Call Wilkins, Bankester, Biles & Wynne at 251-937-7024 to schedule a consultation with our divorce lawyers now.

1. Let Their Feelings Get the Best of Them

A lot of people let emotion guide them through the divorce process. This is perhaps one of the worst things you can do if you want a fresh start after the process is over. Divorce can be traumatic, and it’s normal for your feelings to jump all over. But letting those feelings determine choices that will affect the rest of your life is a huge mistake, and often a costly one.

2. Take the Other Person at Their Word

Your ex-partner could be the nicest person in the world, but you still shouldn’t let them make divorce-related decisions for you. They tell you it’s easier if they have primary custody “on paper” but they’ll let you see the kids whenever you want? No, you want legally enforceable joint custody. They promise that their attorney has created a settlement that is fair for both of you, so you don’t need to spend money on your own lawyer? Assume that the settlement solely benefits them. You need to be your own advocate during this time.

3. Give Up Too Much

The stress of divorce can be unbearable, but don’t give up too much in your pursuit of a quick settlement. The concessions you make now could influence your finances and your relationship with your children for years to come. Decide ahead of time where you are and are not willing to negotiate.

4. Refuse to Negotiate

While being too flexible isn’t good for you, neither is being so rigid that you are unable. To work with your ex-partner at all. You may not like cooperating with them during negotiations but getting the important issues out of the way benefits everyone involved. Refusing to negotiate will not change your ex-partner’s mind or punish them—you will be primarily hurting yourself if you shut down communication.

5. Make Big Financial Decisions

Divorce can be a fresh start, but this isn’t the time to jump into huge purchases or commitments. New cars, townhomes, and vacations might take the sting of divorce away, but they will also saddle you with bills you may or may not be prepared for. Work your way through the divorce process first, get a good look at your financial future, and then decide if you want to move forward with your purchases. Another reason to hold off on big purchases—taking out lines of credit may complicate your divorce further and delay your final court date.

6. Engage in Side Negotiations

It’s not uncommon for divorcing spouses to engage in negotiations through their attorneys but then make under-the-table deals during late-night texts or phone calls. This may be initiated by one party as a way of manipulating the other into a settlement that better benefits the initiator. When you do this, you’re only making your attorney’s job harder and drawing out the negotiation process longer than necessary.

7. Handle the Legal Side of Your Divorce Alone

While you can file pro se and handle negotiations directly with your spouse, this can have a ripple effect on every part of your life. It’s difficult to know the long-term implications of different divorce agreements, and the DIY solutions you come up with could hurt you financially or otherwise. This is especially true if your partner has an attorney but is insisting that you don’t need one because they’re not trying to take advantage of you. If your ex-partner has an attorney, you absolutely need one representing your best interests.

Explore Your Divorce Options with Wilkins, Bankester, Biles & Wynne

You deserve reliable, aggressive representation when going through a divorce. The team at Wilkins, Bankester, Biles & Wynne is here to listen to you, figure out what matters to you most in your divorce, and move forward with a plan. Schedule a consultation now by calling us at 251-206-5458 or contacting us online.